Happily Never After.
His voice was soothing to her in a way that she had forgotten, her heartbeat slowing down to a normal rate before Cissa’s mind finally was clear. But, she didn’t freak out about the fact that she was stark naked with raw skin in front of this man. No, she didn’t tense up as she realized that she had just basically had a mental breakdown. If Narcissa was good at anything, it was having a good poker face. She sucked in a breath as he covered her with the towel, careful not to show any sign that she was in pain. Her skin was sore. Her body was sore. It almost felt like someone repeatedly poking a bruise… It hurt, yes, but after a while you sort of got used to it.
He spoke and it took the woman a moment to answer him, running a hand through her wet, tangled hair before speaking. “I’m fine,” she managed to say, but as her eyes met his, she knew that it was far from the truth. If Narcissa was fine, her stupid engagement ring wouldn’t be on the kitchen floor, her favorite mug wouldn’t be in ruins, and she certainly wouldn’t have burned her skin in a scalding shower. No, she wasn’t fine. And as her bottom lip started to quiver, it was becoming more apparent. “I don’t love him. I don’t even like him. I don’t know what I’m doing or why… I don’t know who I am anymore, Nate,” she murmured softly in a reply, head bowed as she held the towel close to her.
However, Cissa’s head snapped up the moment he questioned her feelings for you. “Not feel for you… I loved you!” She said almost bitterly, moving the towel and hitching it up before moving towards her bedroom in an unstable manner. Her cheeks were growing pink, but she would not cry. No. She would not cry again tonight. The blonde turned back towards the soaking wet man, frustration clear in her eyes. “Worthy? You wanted to be worthy? Nate, you could’ve lived a thousand lifetimes and not have deserved me and I still would’ve been in love with you.” She almost sounded as if she were pleading with the man, but she wasn’t sure what she was begging for. Him? His love? For him to get her out of her hopeless mess? She watched him dry himself off and didn’t take his hand, but she felt like a five year old having a tantrum. So she sighed, shaking her wet hair and looking at him with a tired expression.
“You left. You left me alone with them… And him. And he thought that because you were gone, he could take over again. And he did. And I didn’t have a choice. And now I have to marry him and have his awful babies and live in his awful house and sleep next to him every bloody night and wake up to him every bloody morning!” The words were falling out of her mouth faster than she could stop them… And she didn’t even want to stop them. “Every single day I would wake up and say to myself that you would come back that day. You’d knock on the door with some cake or a fishing rod or something and it would go back to normal. And every night, before I closed my eyes, I would tell myself that I would wake up and this all would be some dreadful nightmare. But it’s not. It’s my life. You left me and now everything’s gone to… Everything’s gone to shit!”
Narcissa’s chest was heaving by this point, body shaking like a wet dog as she forced all of this from her body. And it was about time, too. But, as she looked at the man in front of her, she knew that she didn’t want to yell at him. This wasn’t his fault. She knew that but… But she needed someone to blame. She needed to be angry. And she wasn’t about to go blame herself. This wasn’t her fault. “All my life, I’ve been handed over from one person to another. Nurses, house elves, future husbands… I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being treated as if I’m property! Why is it me that has to play the perfect daughter, hm? Why does Bellatrix get to prance around with the Death Eaters and live her life? Why does Andromeda get to break away from the family and love a muggleborn? Why is it me that must stay the course? Why can’t I marry the man that I love? Why can’t I have my own dreams? Why do I have to marry Lucius bloody Malfoy?” There were too many questions for the woman to process before she shut down for a moment, closing her eyes.
“Please don’t leave me again.”
He looked at her patiently. As he watched though she might have felt like she was falling apart, he could see that she was really just coming together. Becoming the woman that she was meant to be. ” You know, I’ve waited a rather long time for this. For you to understand what I tried to tell you so long ago. What I have believed from the moment that I met you. You are worth just as much as every person around you. To me, you’re worth far far more.” He spoke as quickly and as earnestly as he dared, trying his best not to falter.
“Your happiness is just as important as your mothers or your fathers. One day, they’ll be gone and you will have to live with the choices that you made while they were here. You can keep them happy, at the price of any future happiness for yourself. You can do whatever you want, and I promise you my full support. You do not have to marry Lucius Malfoy. You don’t have to marry me. You don’t have to marry anyone, if you don’t want to Cissa. Because, you’re not a pawn. Life is not a game of chess, and you’re not a piece to be used.”
He smiled at her, as comfortingly as he could, hoping to show her why he had done what he had.
“I know, that I could have stayed, Cissa. I could have stayed here, with you and for a while, that would be enough. But I don’t want just you Cissa. I want a family with you, and that’s not something I could have done, in good conscience before. Andy and Bells, they’ve gone off into the world, and though they might not always be happy, they’re free, because they thought more selfishly than you did. You sacrifice a lot for the ones that you love. And I don’t want you to have to sacrifice for me. But I want you to know something. This is not Lucius’ fault. And it’s not your parents… maybe a little bit theirs… but this predicament that you are in is of your own doing. I know you. I know that you know your own mind, your own heart. Did you tell anyone, besides my little sister, how you truly felt about the matter? Malfoy is prideful. He doesn’t want a wife that doesn’t want him. If you were honest… your nightmare could have ended a long time ago. I am sorry… I really am. That I left without warning, that you have felt so trapped and alone… when all I have ever wanted is for you to feel loved. I’m sorry Cissa, and if you need me, I will always be right here. I will help you through whatever troubles you have, whatever choices you make. I love you Cissy.” Though some of his words were harsh, he kept his tone as warm and loving as it could possibly be.
With that, he crossed the room, and murmured a few enchantments, healing her skin. “It hurts me to see you in pain. I saw you sometimes though, while I was gone… but you didn’t see me. The mirror in Abby’s room is enchanted. Two way glass… and I peeked in on the both of you every once and a while. I saw you… with Annabel. She likes you.” His smile was soft. “Does… your skin feel any better? I learned what I could during the war… but I haven’t had to use any medical charms for months now….” He looked at her, carefully and saw her skin had returned to it’s usual cream colour. Reaching a hand out, he placed it upon her shoulder. With his thumb softly grazing her collarbone, he looked down at her. “I’ll be here as long as you need me, Cissy. I’ll stay with you as long as you’d like. But you should be proud. You’ve made it through a lot all on your own. You are good and kind and strong, and you should never ever doubt that, ok?”
Happily Never After.
Perhaps she was going crazy. Perhaps she was already there. Had she been certifiably insane this entire time and nobody had the heart to tell her? For when Narcissa touched her skin, the pain causing a small cry to escape her lips, and she could’ve sworn that she heard a faint voice calling to her. Her name. A familiar voice… Rough, but kind. Sweet. She liked that voice. At first, her heart stopped. It could’ve been Lucius. But… No. Even if he heard her screaming for her life, he would’ve been too much of a coward to set foot in her room.
She uttered another whimper as the scalding water fell onto her skin and tears fell freely down her cheeks as she heard the voice again. “Go away!” She cried, a sob following her exclamation before she began shaking again. Her life was falling apart. She had wanted so much… She wanted more than her family, that was for sure. She wanted to be a teacher. She wanted to help children. She wanted to have babies and marry someone that she loved… But here she was, practically being forced over to a man who would impregnate her and then make sure that all she did with her life was give more children and stay inside, locked away at home like a trophy wife. Because that’s all that was expected of her… She was to be a trophy wife. Another soft cry, but this time it wasn’t from the pain on her skin.
Suddenly, there were arms around her and Cissa almost let out a shriek of surprise, fighting halfheartedly to get away from the person who threw their arms around her. Heart pounding in the blonde’s ears, she pounded her fists weakly against the man’s chest. “Let go! Let go of me!” She sobbed out before giving up after just a moment and falling against him with a cry, burying her head in Nate’s now soaked shirt. He kissed her forehead and Narcissa closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath as the temperature of the water was lowered. As the heat went down, so did the cloudiness of her thoughts, and Cissa finally opened her eyes to look at the man who rescued her from… Well, she wasn’t exactly sure.
It wasn’t Lucius, and for that Narcissa was glad. But when her eyes locked on Nathaniel’s, she couldn’t help but let out another whimper, this time one of joy and surprise. She thought that he was gone, that he would never come back… That perhaps she was the reason he left. But he was here. And he was real. And he was soaking wet. She tried to speak, but nothing came out, and instead they just rocked for a moment with one of her hands rubbing small circled onto the skin of his neck with her thumb and the other trying to cover her up just a bit. She was still a lady after all… But after a while, she relaxed entirely, leaning into the familiar man and growing quiet. Her tears and sobs subsided and finally she was starting to feel like a normal human being. So she licked her lips, moving to speak. “You’re all wet.”
“You’re all wet.” Her words rang true, as the cling of the wet fabric of his shirt revealed, but he didn’t care. Water was something Nate was used to, was comforted by. Still, he turned it off to appease her, shaking his wet hair out with a smile. “Yes, it’s good to see you again too Cissa. With all the laughter he could muster, he reached out the shower and grabbed a fluffy towel to cover her with. He wrapped her in it gentle, careful not only to avoid staring, but also wary of her sore skin.
“Cissa, are you all right? This isn’t because of me, is it? Or… Lucius? Has he hurt you?” the mixture of concern, guilt and rage that washed over him was strong. It was evident to him that she was hurting, inside, and now out.
He had left, wanting to have his return be a pleasurable surprise. It was foolish to hope, to assume that she would be waiting for him. Prideful even. But he had thought…. “Did you not feel for me as I still feel for you Cissa? I only wanted… to be worthy of you.” He looked down at her, concerned both for her answer and her well being. He opened the shower door, and waved his wand, drying off his clothes and stepping out of the shower. He held a hand out, to help her make her way out of the shower.
“I left because I couldn’t ask for your hand before…. well I could, but your father would have denied me. And I know how important your family is to you Cissa. I’m back in my father’s good graces. My family is doing well, and I oversee the business. I didn’t want to walk into your life with nothing to offer you. I didn’t want to date you Cissa. I didn’t want to pretend that the feelings that I felt then, still feel now where anything less than what they truly are. I love you. I adore you. It hurts me, to see you in pain, to hear of you with someone else, to wonder if you are ever happy at all. You belong with us. You are, at your heart I think, a Nott. And I only hoped to make you one in name as well.”
Happily Never After.
Narcissa is still shaking at the sink when she finally turns the water off, skin just a shade paler than before. Whether from blood loss or just the sudden realization of what her life is to become… She’s not sure. Finally she comes to her senses. Well, a bit. Reaching for her wand, she quietly murmurs a few words and heals up her hand, ignoring the fact that drops of her blood were littered on the counter and floor. She could only focus on one thing at a time. She placed the wand back down, staring at her hands. They felt lighter. Better… Narcissa frowned again as she realized why, eyes moving to the corner of the kitchen where she flung the ring. When she wore that useless thing, she felt as if the whole word was on her one finger. She could barely raise her hand without growing tired.
The woman ran a hand slowly through her hair, taking a deep breath in through her nose before exhaling through her mouth. It was a shaky breath, it was barely there, but it helped. She lifted her head toward the ceiling, closing her eyes and relaxing her shoulders before moving herself away from the counter. Grabbing her wand again, she quickly cleaned up the mess, getting rid of any debris that could potentially harm her in the near future. Okay. One thing done. That was a good start.
Her feet were moving without her brain telling them to, and soon Narcissa felt herself searching for the ring that she had flung. On her hands and knees, she scrambled to grab it but to no avail. Her heart skipped a beat, but she wasn’t sure whether it was out of fear that the ring was gone or delight in that fact. She was happy that the damn thing was gone but… If Lucius was to surprise her and find that she was not wearing it… She sighed. Nothing could ever be easy.
She could just mutter a spell and find it… But did Cissa really want to? No. No she didn’t. So… She’d let it sit in the kitchen for a night. She needed some time without it anyway. It had caused her enough grief. So the Black girl stood up, smoothing out her dress and shaking off any dirt or grime that may have attached itself to her. She felt dirty. She felt as if no matter how hard she scrubbed, she would never be able to get him off of her. Two faces came to mind. Who did she want to forget, anyway? Cissa moved to the stairs, the large stairs that seemed to take up more of the mansion than any of the rooms, and she began to walk.
It took five minutes to reach her room, which was appalling. It wasn’t as if she needed the exercise. So the blonde shed every shred of clothing and stepped into the hot spray of her shower, immediately starting to scrub her body until it was red and raw. She scrubbed Lucius’ hands and lips from off of her neck and shoulders. He never kissed her right. He tried, no doubt, but he was just slobbery and inattentive. She scrubbed Nate off of her, his warm and calloused hands caressing her sides and his lips smiling against hers. She hated this. She hated it all. Finally, Cissa gasped, having scrubbed much too hard and finally her eyes moved to her now lobster red skin. No doubt she drew blood in a few places… It was worth it. If she felt pain, well… At least she felt something.
Maybe he shouldn’t have. Maybe she was away, maybe Lucius was there… but he saw the light in her room on. Some one was home. And though he had not seen Anna or Abby in a week, it seemed important, to stop this now. To lay his cards on the table, to prove to her that she was the reason he had left, and most of the reason that he had returned.
Quickly, he made his way through her defensive charms, making a space through them, and then quickly repairing the damage, and adding an extra layer of protection. He was surprised when a simple Alohomora unlocked the front door.
“Cissa?” He called out into the familiar hallway tentatively. Pausing only to slip off his shoes, Nate heard first the water running in the shower and then her cries. He ran up the stairs, and burst into her room. “Cissa, are you all right? CISSA?”
He found her in the shower, her skin, normally as smooth and light as porcelain, irritated and red, scratched nearly beyond belief. Where was his careful girl, the one wary of pain, avoiding getting hurt at all cost. Where had she gone, and whom had replaced her? He didn’t care about getting his clothes wet. He didn’t care that he hadn’t knocked, that she might be angry at him, that there was so much they had yet to say.
He walked into the shower and gently wrapped his arms around her. When she was safe in his arms, shower scrub on the tile floor, he placed his lips to her forehead, and felt the water pour down on them both. It was hot, maybe a bit too hot, and it had no doubt added to the irritation of her skin, so he turned it down, but kept her in the warm spray, scared of lowering her temperature too far.
And when she went to speak, one hand was on her shoulder, the other in her hair. He moved his fingers through the wet tangled strands, making soft shhh-ing sounds as they rocked gently.
Happily Never After.
She was leaning against the counter in her kitchen, mug of tea in her hands which felt heavier than lead. A deep frown was settled on her face. It felt at home there… She’d been frowning for a week straight. Fake smiles were of course always about and being flung around, but in private? Narcissa hasn’t even laughed. The rock on her ring finger was enough reason as to why.
Lucius Malfoy. She never even wanted to speak to him again… But she was never one to avoid her family or to go against them. So… She obeyed them. After all, Nate disappeared after the birth of his daughter. Annabel. Cissa often saw the child with Abby… It was odd, how the whole lot treated the Black girl. As if she belonged.
Narcissa never really belonged anywhere. And she had a feeling that she never would. Sure, she had her dear Bella… But other than that? The blonde glanced at the ring, a flicker of a carefree smile appearing in her mind. A memory of someone she loved. Well, that was an over-exaggeration… Right? Of course it was. She was being absolutely silly. Besides, she wasn’t engaged to the man with the carefree smile. No. She was engaged to the man who claimed her as his the moment he laid eyes on her, the moment that he learned her name.
Narcissa hissed, grabbing the ring from her finger and flinging it across the room in a blind rage, knocking her mug over onto the ground and letting the porcelain shatter against the floor. It felt good… To break something. To be in control. But as the woman’s vision stopped swimming and everything became clearer, she noticed the broken cup on the floor and immediately stooped to clean it up. Hands shaking, heart beating much too quickly for her liking, Cissa gulped down her emotions and attempted to get rid of the mess. Sure, she could wave it away with her wand. She could wave everything away with a flick of her wrist… Except for her current, stupid, unbelievable situation.
It all went downhill after Nate disappeared again. She didn’t know where he went… And with the war raging on, Lily’s new baby, Doe’s marriage… Cissa was lonely. She was sad, she was all by herself, and she was vulnerable. And Lucius managed to sneak himself back into her life, promising her happiness. He couldn’t promise that. He would never be able to make him happy.
And here she was, about to get married to him. The thought made her flinch, a shooting pain appearing in the palm of her hand. Narcissa finally looked down and noticed the sharp side of one of the mug’s pieces having sliced through her hand. This really couldn’t get any worse. Tears of frustration invaded her eyes, forcing the girl into a standing position as she turned on the faucet and stuck her hand under it. She didn’t care anymore. Let it bleed, she thought, as she watched the red liquid merge with the clear and run down the drain. Tears ran down her face, but Cissa paid them no mind. Nothing mattered.
When he leaves once more, he does so quietly. He is not in hiding, not permanently gone. He visits his daughter, strokes her soft brown hair, watches his sister and Rory fawn after her. He visits but does not stay.
When he leaves, he does so for the only reason he feels is acceptable. For family. Because, in his heart that is what he knows Cissa is. So he splits his time between London, Amsterdam and Venice, Europe’s most favored ports. There is not much that can soften the heart of his father, but seeing his son trying to build a better future for his first grandchild is enough. And when he returns to London finally, it is back into the good graces of his family. The Notts are, like many pureblooded families, rebuilding.
Nate is regarded as one of the “good” purebloods. With his name in the good graces of wizarding society, it is far easier to build the shipping company back up to its proper glory. The war has taken a toll on much of wizarding industry, but things are looking up, and people are looking forward to cutting loose once again. With the economy climbing upward, and his family back together, Nate’s life seems on the surface, patched and whole.
But he misses her. Cissa, with her golden hair and surprisingly kind smiles. He misses her, and yet she must not feel the same, because Abby informs him softly one day, that Cissa is re-engaged to one Lucius Malfoy. Lucius has always been so proprietary, so adamant that Narcissa will be his that Nate can not bring himself to be surprised.
But he is not one to just lay down and take something. Nate may not be cruel, may not be hard hearted. But he was placed in Slytherin for a reason. He is still ambitious. And he will not gracefully accept defeat.
Back from Venice, he comes with a gift. Back from Venice, he comes with a fleet, with a fortune, with a future. Back from Venice, Nathaniel Nott comes with a life, should she be willing to take it.
ZOMFG WHAT IS CISSA’S URL
Abigail’s sleeping.
Thank Merlin. I’m exhausted.
And… Lonely. Where the bloody hell is everyone?
Front and center. Or do I not count as everyone anymore?
